Weekend.

Its always a bummer when our weekend's over and Steven's back to being a busy bee.

Saturday we went to a birthday party, the kids had a lot of fun. I was planning to go by myself but Steven ended up getting off early- yay! I have to single-mom-it to so many things because he's always at work. It was nice to have him there.

Afterwards we had pizza with his Dad. His Mom was out of town visiting Rebecca and her family, we always have him over for dinner when she's gone. Since we were already out, we went over to his house instead. While we were there, Rian started acting weird, a few minutes later she said she had to use the bathroom and she pooped on the potty! But she was back to going in her underwear yesterday. I.don't.get.it. Hopefully she gets it soon, gross!

We got invited to another birthday party on Sunday but decided not to go because the kids needed naps after staying up late and waking up early. We ran some errands, had lunch out, then relaxed in the backyard and grilled- it was windy though. Wind is so annoying. I love going to my parents house on Sunday but sometimes its nice to just be home- the four of us.

Earlier that day Steven got to work on the armoire- surprisingly! I have such a loooong list of To-Dos for him and he has no time between work and doing his own stuff, it was pretty shocking he got to it so fast. Lets see how long it takes him to put the shelves in haha.

Love it!

Yesterday he spent the day off-roading and shooting with one of his friends that was in town, I went grocery shopping by myself. We always go together, I hate grocery shopping! The kids make going alone super challenging but they were really good yesterday. Steven has vacation time [paid!] that he's been using on Tuesday mornings so he gets to stay up late with me on Monday nights. :)

My boys.

I had to get Aiden new shoes this weekend- size 9! [Didn't even know they were on sale til they were rung up- love when that happens!] He's getting so big but still so little. He can still fit into most of his 2t clothes but I recently took it all out of his dresser because its so stuffed. I bought him his first two 4t shirts last week, can't believe he'll be four this year. Rian was in 2t last summer and still fits in all of it. I'm glad I don't have to buy her new summer clothes but it makes me sad she's not a chunk anymore!

Armoire, etc.

I've been so bad at updating lately. I decided to not follow through with the 30 days, I thought some of the were kind of dumb plus I wasn't doing it everyday- so there, you had 8 days of me!

I've been on the hunt for an armoire or a hutch for the kitchen to use as extra storage/pantry- people are crazy! Selling them for around $800 and brandnew ones are at least $1000. Last night I found one online, not only was it decently priced but I also loved the way it looked. I couldn't even sleep last night thinking about it!

So pretty!

When I first saw it last night, I thought I'd want to paint it, but now I don't know. I like the way it looks now. It definitely needs shelves. And I'm thinking about cutting the inner pieces of the top doors out and adding chicken wire, so you can see in without them having to be open. I'm so excited! Another thing on my mind: pink kitchen chairs! Ever since I saw a picture on Pinterest, its been on my mind. I really want to paint ours. Pink's my favorite color and we need more of it in this house! :)

Yesterday we finally saw some birds eating from the feeder, now our backyard is the happening spot. They've almost emptied it! They're messy though- they've dropped so much seed on the ground and in the flower pots. Its funny that the first day of Spring came and now theres a ton of little birds and butterflies all around- the kids are so excited by it. :) We planted sunflower seeds last week and they've just started to come out of the ground. They were the first flowers we actually planted, instead of buying them and potting them, so it made it extra fun to see them pop up.

The kids have little colds again so I kept them home on Wednesday. Thankfully my Mom asked to take Aiden to the movies today, so I'm getting a little break. They're driving me bonkers! But I love them.

Update.

Taking a break from the '30 days of me' to do an update. We've been spending lots of time outside- its been so nice. Love it!

Aiden's little mind blows me away every single day! Last Tuesday I decided to buy him a new [safer] carseat. They didn't have it at the Walmart by our house so we drove out to the foothills, the street we were driving on has a lot of RV dealerships. He pointed to one and said "Look Mommy, RV Peddler!" He recognized the sign from tv! On the way back home, there was a billboard for the Air Show, I pointed to it and told him to look at the airplanes. He said "They have that sign on the refrigerator at Walmart." We didn't pass by the grocery section at the Walmart we were just at, no, he remembered it from our previous trip the week before when they were putting the signs up!

I'd forgotten about this til my mom reminded me the other day... a few months ago we were at her house and Aiden started talking about running around with balloons, them floating up to the fan and Uncle Michael climbing on the ladder to get them down. The thing that's CRAZY about this is: That happened at his second birthday party... way over a year ago. It hadn't even been talked about, yet he randomly brings it up sooooo long after. It was also the one and only time he's been around my brother that he's been old enough to know who he is... if that makes sense. They moved when Aiden was 6 months old, came to visit around the time he turned two and he hasn't seen him since. How does he remember that?! If I brought it up to Michael, he'd probably have no memory of it what-so-ever. Then yesterday I was watching this show GCB [I think its called] when he came out from his nap, he said "You were watching that the other day, the day we got my new carseat." What the heck?! He was absolutly right, I'd watched it earlier that same day. He's probably not much smarter than other kids his age but he shocks me more and more! The other day Grandpa took the kids to the park and Aiden came home telling me about all the fun he had with "the boy in the blue shirt." Yesterday he told me to take him to his friend with the blue shirt's house. He was so upset that I couldn't, he didn't understand. I felt bad but it was so cute.

Putting air in his tires, like Daddy.

Rian's as pretty and bratty as ever! Peeing on the potty like a pro and even sleeping in undies at night! But pooping... oh boy. She's only pooped on the potty three times. UGH! Pooping took Aiden a little longer too, but only about two weeks. We're over a month into it, its especially hard because she's so irregular. We'll get there... one day. She's been so stubborn and naughty lately! Definitely in the "No!" phase. She's jealous and wants everybody focused only on her. She loves making us laugh. The last few nights she's been waking up screaming, acting like she's scared of stuff in her room. It makes me sad. :( She must be having bad dreams. Yesterday she saw a boy on tv jump off of something and she kept saying "Mommy! He dwompt! He dwompt" haha it made me laugh, I love how she talks. Her little lisp is the cuuuuutest.

My little weirdo, eating raw onions.

Tomorrow will be one year since Steven's motorcycle accident [another scariest moment of my life.] And this week his case was finally settled. For sure we were planning to pay off a few things, then save the rest. Steven's dad brought up thinking about using it as a down payment on a house- I never would've thought to do it, we both just figured we'd live here for a very long time. So its offical- we're going to start house hunting! I know its going to be a long, drawn out process but I'm just so excited its actually happening! I like older houses, they have so much more character and most neighborhoods have all different houses as opposed to newer ones that all look the same. But he wants something newer and most of the newer neighborhoods around here are the better ones. We also have to consider school districts and things like that. Auuugh! I'm so excited. So is he, even though he's acting like its not a big deal to him. He started looking at houses online before I did and has even driven to look at two "because they were close to work." :)

A few months ago we decided to start trying for another baby. Then last month, we really tried, figured out ovulating days and everything but no success. I was bummed and we decided to not try again for the new few months because we don't really want another kid with a birthday around Christmas. The reason I'm writing this is beacause it really goes to show how our plans can differ so much from God's. Had I ended up pregnant, all the money would be going towards the baby and we wouldn't be planning to buy a house. Its the perfect time to do it... another baby can wait! Another thing, we change our minds about it so much. At this very second I could tell you that I don't want another one because the kids have been driving me insane the last few days and I don't want to add to the craziness. And tomorrow I might tell you, yes I do want another one. I think down the road, we will have another one... just not anytime soon like I had thought a few weeks ago.

Life is good!

Day 8

What are 5 passions you have?
[I feel like this question can be taken in many different directions, so here's where I took it.]

1. Loving my husband and making him feel #1. One day the kids will be grown and gone and it'll just be us. Our relationship is the most important one in my life. We definitely need to have more us time, its hard to find time these days. I want to show the kids the best example of love between spouses.

2. Raising our kids the best we possibly can. This is a tough, scary world and my biggest hope is that I have two kids that grow up to be respectible, responsible, caring, loving adults. I want them to always realize how blessed they are. When they're a little older and can really understand, its a goal of mine to have them involved in helping others who aren't as blessed.

3. Also, to be the best role model I can. Teach the kids with my own actions.

4. Having a close family. I want the kids to know we're always here for them, I hope they're always there for each other too. Our hearts are open to them, we are and will always be there to catch them.


5. Being a good friend. I may not have a lot of them, but the ones I do have, I love with all my heart. They should know they can come to me with anything [at least I hope they know!]

These things are getting hard! Most of my passions are about parenting/the kids so they all tie in together. I feel like if I had a job I loved, it would definitely be on this list. More and more as I do these, its making me realize its time to go back to school.

Day 7

What is your dream job, and why?

Since I can remember, I've always wanted to be a teacher. I was working at a day care [and not liking it] when somebody told me I should apply to be a teacher's aide. Perfect. I ended up having an interview for a special needs room and got hired. I was really nervous because I'd never had a job like that before.  A couple of months into the job, I knew what I was meant to be: a special needs teacher.

Over 4 1/2 years, I worked in three different classrooms, two different schools. When I transferred schools, I had an interview with 4 teachers at one time and they all wanted me! It was a job I loved going to. And I was good at it. Teaching special needs kids is way more than academics- you teach them everything from social skills to hygiene to playing and everything in between.

Every year it was hard to say bye to the students leaving [most classes around here have two or three grades so you have the students for more than one year and get attached] They love you as much as you love them. I think about past students alllll the time. I miss working. I miss the people I worked with. It makes me so happy when I see my old kids out in town, sometimes they say hi, sometimes they just stare. I learned a lot about being a Mom from that job.

It was also hard being an aide though. We did everything [and more, like wiping butts] that the teacher did. She did the paperwork, we did the teaching and loving. Mmmhmm, we did the teaching- without degrees! And we got paid close to NOTHING. Its definitely a job you need to be passionate about. We were so much more connected to the students. I saw this in all three classes I worked in and the others around me. Its sad. It showed me exactly what kind of teacher I don't want to be.

One day [soon] I'll get my motivation and go back to school. Being a teacher is the best job for a Mom. You have all the same days off as your kids. There are lots of days off- another awesome plus to teaching. If for whatever reason I don't become a teacher, I definitely want to do something with special needs kids- its where my heart is, careerwise.

Day 6

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I've lived a really blessed life and haven't gone through anything too hard, except the deaths of my grandparents. So I'm going to change this a little and write about the worst thing I've ever experienced. I mentioned the other day about not being able to find Aiden... its burnt into my brain as the top scariest/worst day of my life.

It was a few days after Rian turned one month old, so it was a few days after Aiden turned 17 months. Steven was in the kitchen on the computer and Aiden was in with him. I was in the living room with Rian and walked to the kitchen baby gate to tell Steven I was going to give her a bath, Aiden was ripping a napkin and throwing the pieces over the gate- I said, "Wow Daddy's really paying attention to you." Went to give Ri a bath.

After her bath, she was still wrapped in the towel and I walked towards the kitchen, right next to the baby gate is the door to the garage... it was open. [I'm feeling shaky and my heart is pounding so fast just writing this.] Steven was walking towards the door at the same time, I asked him where Aiden was and he said thought he was with me. [Why he thought this, I don't know.] The big garage door, to outside was open, I yelled "Are you f*cking kidding me?!" We ran out, I ran up the sidewalk to the left, Steven ran up the sidewalk to the right [I was still holding Rian and barefoot.] We were yelling his name and all I could say was "Omg. Omg Omg. No." My heart was in my throat, I couldn't breathe. I was making crying noises but no tears were coming out. Neighbors started coming out and we told them what he was wearing, a gray shirt and black jeans. They started running around too. I took Rian inside, dressed her as fast as I could and put her in her carseat, I started driving around and Steven got on his motorcycle. We had people the next street up looking too. Aiden was nowhere.

I felt like I was outside of my body, watching it all happen. It didn't seem real, how could this be happening to us? We had a brand new babygirl, our family was complete. I ran around some more and at this point I was thinking he was long gone. Somebody took him. My baby was gone. Because how far could he have gone on his own before somebody saw him and tried to find his parents? I had to call 911. A call I thought I'd never have to make. They asked me a bunch of questions and I felt like it was forever, the lady kept getting it mixed up, thinking I was looking for my husband, it was so annoying. All I wanted was help- somebody to find my boy. While I was on the phone, a guy across the street yelled, "He's in the truck! He's right there!" He was in Steven's truck... the whole time, watching us run around like maniacs. I never felt more relief in my life.

Since we'd called 911, the cops still had to show up to make sure he was okay. I felt so stupid. For the next few weeks I felt so embarrassed to go outside, all our neighbors probably thought we were horrible parents for losing our kid. I was too happy that Aiden was safe to be mad at Steven. But had something happened to Aiden, we never would've been the same. I would've always blamed him.

A month later, we were going to a wedding out of town, originally both kids were staying behind but after that, Aiden came with us. I didn't want to let him out of my sight. I'm so paranoid and I'm sure a lot of people think I'm overbearing and too overprotective, but I'm naturally a huge worry wart and this just made it worse. When the kids aren't with me, I worry the whole time. Sometimes we let Aiden walk at stores now and don't always use his backpack harness [yeah my kid wears a "leash"] and sometimes when I turn around and don't see him, my heart stops and I get the panic-y feeling all over again. Its a horrible, horrible feeling. I can't imagine what people go through when their kids are missing for hours, days, weeks, months and years. :(

I have a picture from earlier that day in the living room, its one of my favorite pictures of Aiden. Almost everytime I look at it, it crosses my mind that it could've been the last picture I had of him. :( Thinking about it still makes me sad.

Day 5

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. Making the house and yard pretty! Its my favorite hobby right now. I wish I had endless funds to do so... and my own home. One day!

2. Having a clean house. I love how nice and mess-free it is when the kids are in bed at night. I'll sit down to watch a show and instead, find myself looking around the living room- so nice and clean.

3. Reading a good book/watching a good show.

4. DIY-ing! If I had a craft to do every day, I'd be so sooo happy.

5. Shopping. I love to shop, mainly for the house and kids. Everytime I buy something new, I just want to stare at it. I'm weird.

...I could easily make this a longer list!

And of course these people right here, but that's pretty obvious. :)

Day 4

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

1. The first and most important thing I'd say: Enjoy your life in Okinawa. Your true friends in Arizona will still be there. You're wasting time being sad, you'll regret not soaking this all in. Get overself and be happy that you're experiencing a whole new world and culture.

2. Stop trying to be bigger! You'll only be this skinny once. One day you'll look back to these days and want that!

3. Spend more time with your baby sister. In a few more years, you'll move away and things will never be the same. She'll grow and change right before your eyes.

4. Don't be such a brat to your parents. Everything they do is for you.

5. Don't pay so much attention to boys, friends are more important.

6. You are NOT gross, your skin will clean. :)

7. Try to remember as much as you can, your memory will fail you. Write everything down.

8. You really will miss living with your brother.

9. Do more school activites.

10. Steven actually does turn out to be your Him. But don't change any part of your guys' history, it makes for a good story. :)

Maybe I wouldn't really say the last one.

Day 3

Describe your relationship with your parents

I have a great relationship with my parents- the older I get, the better it gets. Choices they have made throughout my life now make sense. Becoming a parent has made me appreciate them on a whole new level. You never understand the vulnerability, the fear, the happiness, the love and everything else that your parents have for you, til you have all those same feelings for your babies.

My mom is one of my best friends, I tell her everything- we could talk and laugh forever. It makes me sad that not everybody has that kind of relationship with their mom. We had our typical problems when I was a teenager but she was always there for me. So was my Dad. I love my dad so much. He'll talk to anybody about anything, he's so friendly. He's funny, dedicated and hard working. On my wedding day, while we were taking pictures I was fine until it was my dad's turn- I lost it. I didn't have a tradtional wedding and the biggest thing I regret about it was him not walking me down the aisle. I'm sure it makes him sad too.

My parents are the greatest. They were protective but not overbearing. They taught me lessons and let me learn on my own. I want to parent just like them. I know I've made choices they didn't agree with but they've always stood behind me and been my biggest supporters. They let me leave home and stand on my own two feet [well kind of since I wasn't totally living alone but you know what I mean!] 

I love living so close to them. We go their house for dinner every Sunday. I take the kids over during the week when I'm bored. Better than having them as parents, my kids get them as grandparents. :)

I am who I am, because of them.

Day 2

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Well clearly, as is any parents'- my greatest fear is Aiden or Rian getting hurt, sick, lost... or worse. We've experience a missing kid for all of twenty minutes and it was the scariest thing I've ever been through- I can't imagine what those parents feel when they go days and months and years without seeing their child. In the same boat, something happening to Steven. We are complete- the four of us. If something happened to any one of them, I don't know how I'd ever survive. I can't even bare the thought. We want another baby but we don't want to push our luck [as silly as that sounds, its true.] We have two healthy kids, what if there are complications next time? Another life means another little person to worry about. Too many what ifs. These are a bunch of fears all wrapped into one.

2. Driving. I'm scared everytime I'm behind the wheel and even when Steven is! I really, really, really don't like when I have to drive somebody other than Steven or the kids- I get so nervous! I'd prefer to be tranquilized everytime I'm in a car, seriously. I trust nobody when it comes to driving, especially now that I have kids- I'm on edge. I've been in 4 accidents in my life- two of which I'm pretty blessed to have survived. When we go out of town I never, ever drive. I'm anxious enough driving around this little city.

3. Disasters. When I was a kid I had a huuuuge prayer list that included earthquakes, tornados, thunderstorms, fires...etc., even somebody kidnapping me or breaking in. Its safe to say, I've always been a pretty paranoid, scardy-cat type of person! I pray for our safety daily, over and over again, this world's a scary place.

Day 1

Jumping on the blog bandwagon and doing this "30 Days of Me" thing. Probably pointless because everybody who reads this already knows me, but who knows, maybe you'll learn something new!

List 20 random facts about yourself.

1. I've lived in California, Arizona, Florida, North Carolina and Japan. [And three of those places were during my 4 years of high school.]
2. I've probably lived in more houses than I can count on my fingers and toes.
3. I didn't get my driver's license until a week before I turned 19.
4. My closet is color-coded, has been since high school.
5. I've been watching General Hospital since I was 17. We had three American channels in Japan, it was the only thing on in the short time I was home between school and work.
6. My name is 4 names long. Sometimes I joke I should've hyphenated my last name so I'd have 5.
7. I'm a 1/4 Japanese.
8. I loved school until I got to college.
9. I want to be a Special Education teacher, the only thing that's stopping me is going back to school. Lazy!
10. I love doing laundry- especially the kids'.
11. When I see super soft, green grass, I always take my shoes off and touch it with my feet.
12. The first alcoholic drink I ever had was a Pina Colada.
13. I have a very bad habit of biting the inside of my cheeks.
14. I have to have chapstick [or lip gloss or lipstick] on my lips at ALL times.
15. My favorite color is pink.
16. I eat eggs for breakfast pretty much every day.
17. I have over 30 bottles of nail polish.
18. My weight wasn't in the triple digits til I was in my twenties. I used to do everything I could to gain weight.
19. I love watching documentaries/shows on serial killers and murder. :\ Like 'Snapped' but I won't watch scary movies.
20. I can't stand the way it feels to pull apart a cotton ball- AUGH!

That was hard to do!