Maybe baby, crowns, bikes, chalk.

For awhile now we've been talking about when/IF we'll have another baby. One thing we for sure know is, we want to have a bigger car before I were to get pregnant. We thought we'd start looking around February/March when Steven's Jeep should be payed off. Right now we have no car payment [unless you count his Jeep loan] so we'll be going from not having one, to having a big payment plus hospital bills. Yikes!


Saturday night I brought out our insurance booklet to get an idea about numbers [$$$] and Steven decided to tell me he doesn't think its a good idea to have another baby... at all. I was soo upset. :( He had a bad day at work and I think that had a LOT to do with him saying that. He's worried about the future, the what ifs. What if for some reason he loses a job, its a whole nother little life to worry about, mouth to feed, etc. The worries every parent has.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling okay, but still a little blue. Then I saw my friend post about a new Taylor Swift song- I was exctied! But... wow.

Steven refuses to listen to it.
[don't listen to it if you don't want to cry]

I was bawling. Its so heartbreaking thinking of families that have to go through that. But I'm so glad I found it when I did. Every day I'm grateful for my kids and their health. But it put things into perspective for me, of course I'll be sad if I never have another baby, but it won't be the end of my world. I have two amazing little kids. I'm blessed.

Deep in my heart, I'm almost positive we'll have another one someday. Steven has his worries, so do I. It might not happen like I want it to happen: sooner rather than later, with them all close in age. But I need to let go and remind myself that I can't plan every little detail of our lives. Its in God's hands and what will be, will be.

We had lots of rain Sunday and yesterday. So nice! It really cooled things off for us. I've had my Fall scented candles out for two weeks now. Hurry up October/November!

Cinnamon in my coffee to hold me over til Pumpkin Spice creamer comes out! Mmm.

 

:)

[Last year I drew the crown with her head right there, I didn't yesterday so its too big.

And check her out on Aiden's bike! I had a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. She's supposed to be a baby. :( She kept saying "Mommy, I'm a big girl!" She was so excited.

My handsome boy.

Rian and her happy face.

Next to it is a heart she asked me to make for Daddy. <3


9.11.01
Never forget