Day 107 (20 weeks pregnant)

Halfway through a pregnancy that feels like it just started! Rian's also flew right by for me. And lately everybody else announces they're pregnant and it feels like they deliver so soon after. Time goes so fast these days.

So much movement! I was in my 20th week the first time Steven felt AJ, sadly I don't have it written down the first time he felt Rian. Oops. I only felt him/her from the outside that one time. I want other people to be able to feel! I don't mind people rubbing my belly, I actually like it. Although it was weird the one time some random lady started doing it at the store when I was pregnant with Rian. But I guess in some cultures its bad luck to not touch a pregnant belly if you see one? Something like that.

Happy twenty weeks to me!

I'm SO excited to have a good pump this time! I got it new/unused online for $170. I saw it at Target for $299. Heck yeah! I was planning to try to get one covered by BCBS, but we're on a pretty crappy plan so I doubt it's likely, plus who knows when we'll be switching insurances with all this job stuff. So I went ahead and got one on my own.

I don't talk a lot about my breastfeeding experience. Not plural because I only tried with Aiden. I don't have very well equipped nipples for the job. We worked really hard in the hospital, I only syringed fed him because I didn't want to give him a bottle, but he still refused me. When I finally caved and gave him a bottle, he would scream his head off, even if you wiggled the huge bottle nipple around his mouth. He was so difficult when it came to latching. So I used my little cheapy single pump for three days and I was so upset when it broke. I had so much guilt that I wasn't able to provide for my baby.

I didn't even want to try with Rian. I didn't want the joy of those first few days and weeks to be ruined by my sadness for not being able to breastfeed her. My mom bought me a pump, the same brand I had for Aiden. Crappy. I used it for about 6 weeks. Now that I look back, I wish I would've tried with her. She wasn't the same baby, maybe she would've loved my flat nips!

I'm definitely going to try this time, but at least if we don't succeed, I have a good pump and I will do everything possible to provide breast milk for as long as I can.

I totally could get into how annoying some breastfeeding moms are, but I won't. I just wish the ones that have it so damn easy, would realize not everybody else does. You're a better Mom, we get it. ;) End rant.