Maybe baby, crowns, bikes, chalk.

For awhile now we've been talking about when/IF we'll have another baby. One thing we for sure know is, we want to have a bigger car before I were to get pregnant. We thought we'd start looking around February/March when Steven's Jeep should be payed off. Right now we have no car payment [unless you count his Jeep loan] so we'll be going from not having one, to having a big payment plus hospital bills. Yikes!


Saturday night I brought out our insurance booklet to get an idea about numbers [$$$] and Steven decided to tell me he doesn't think its a good idea to have another baby... at all. I was soo upset. :( He had a bad day at work and I think that had a LOT to do with him saying that. He's worried about the future, the what ifs. What if for some reason he loses a job, its a whole nother little life to worry about, mouth to feed, etc. The worries every parent has.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling okay, but still a little blue. Then I saw my friend post about a new Taylor Swift song- I was exctied! But... wow.

Steven refuses to listen to it.
[don't listen to it if you don't want to cry]

I was bawling. Its so heartbreaking thinking of families that have to go through that. But I'm so glad I found it when I did. Every day I'm grateful for my kids and their health. But it put things into perspective for me, of course I'll be sad if I never have another baby, but it won't be the end of my world. I have two amazing little kids. I'm blessed.

Deep in my heart, I'm almost positive we'll have another one someday. Steven has his worries, so do I. It might not happen like I want it to happen: sooner rather than later, with them all close in age. But I need to let go and remind myself that I can't plan every little detail of our lives. Its in God's hands and what will be, will be.

We had lots of rain Sunday and yesterday. So nice! It really cooled things off for us. I've had my Fall scented candles out for two weeks now. Hurry up October/November!

Cinnamon in my coffee to hold me over til Pumpkin Spice creamer comes out! Mmm.

 

:)

[Last year I drew the crown with her head right there, I didn't yesterday so its too big.

And check her out on Aiden's bike! I had a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. She's supposed to be a baby. :( She kept saying "Mommy, I'm a big girl!" She was so excited.

My handsome boy.

Rian and her happy face.

Next to it is a heart she asked me to make for Daddy. <3


9.11.01
Never forget

Getting ready for Fall/Winter!

...even though we still have two more months of hotness.

But anyway! I had $20 off at Old Navy so I got the kids some stuff. Ahhh I love new clothes shopping!

I went in for long sleeves but I couldn't resist these tees.

Jeans and leggings! [The teal jeans I actually got at Target a few weeks ago.]

This dress was regular price but look at it! It'll be soo cute with her fringe boots. Love.

As for the shoes, so dang cute and she picked them out herself! I wanted her to get some cute little pink ballet flats but she was set on these.

Last Friday on Zulily they had moccasins for $9 so I ordered her a tan pair and a brown pair.

Poor Aiden, basically all I ever buy him this time of year are flannels and thermals, with a few long sleeves he picks out. So I didn't take pictures of his clothes. Is that bad?

But he picked this awesome beanie and I ordered him these super cute shoes from Children's Place [of course they don't have them in the store, at least shipping was free!]

Still need to get them more, I want to check out Goodwill. I always find cute stuff there and its always brands I buy them. Online at Old Navy they have some sweaters for Aiden and leggings for Rian I want to get.

I had to try one of the outfits on her:

Cute overload!

We did our letter B project yesterday, just colored the letter and some pictures that start with B. Then they looked at alphabet stickers and found the B's to put on their page.

Aiden finally colors in the lines- took his sweet, little time.

And Rian spent most of her time putting on crayon lipstick.

Allll morning she pointed at every B she saw, so I guess she did pay attention afterall!

On Monday at breakfast, I gave them their milk in regular cups instead of the straw Take & Toss cups. They know how to use regular cups, they use them all the time when drinking water. But since then, they haven't wanted their morning milk because it hasn't been in the straw cups. Brats! They still have their afternoon and evening milk after naps and baths, the same times I used to give them their bottles. I don't know how to include them as their drink at meals instead. They need to get used to it though!

Last weekend Steven's Dad said he'd come over in two more weekends [he's working this one] and they'll start figuring the kitchen floor out. Thank God! My pile of dreams, as I call it, looks so lonely. We ordered the kitchen door this week. Yay! Slowly, soooo slowly but surely its happening. I can't wait til it looks like a home in here again.

This week on Pinterest I noticed pins were appearing that I didn't pin- spam! So I changed my password, a few days later I noticed my "Home" board was gone. Boo. :( I pouted. Sometimes when I'm bored, I look through my pins and dream. Ooooh well.

I can't believe its already time to start thinking of Halloween costumes. I love this time of year! Just wish we lived somewhere with pretty leaves falling and a chill in the air. One day we'll live somewhere pretty, I know it... maybe we'll retire and move to a farm! :)

Rain!

Lucky us, we got rain last Wednesday night and a good drizzle for all of this morning. So fun! And it was really nice, about 79 degrees!

Coffee on the porch, I've missed this!

We <3 rain!

Jumping in puddles.

Touching the sprinkles.

While she was doing this, a hummingbird came up to the feeder. It would've been a perfect picture but Aiden decided to not listen and go by on his bike and scared him away. Boo.

Chalk.

RAIN!

I hate how the grass looks right after its cut. It takes a week of watering to get it pretty again, then a week later Steven cuts it and it looks like this all over.

Aiden and the birdie.

I ended up taking my camera inside to charge the battery, when I came back there was a little hummingbird under the porch trying to stay dry. So cute! I had to use my phone to take a picture so I couldn't zoom.

:)

I wish it rained more around here. For 3 years I lived where it rained a lot and I ended up dispising it. Now I'm back to loving it and miss it. No happy medium ha.

We painted bird houses for the backyard. :)

Another update!

Wow three updates in a week! I'm on a roll. :)

I complain about the heat pretty much every time I post. Sooo over it. Its been extra humid like all of August which makes it so much worse. Hurry up October! Its still warm in October but at least its not disgusting triple digit hot. Anyway... so I'm constantly trying to keep the kids entertained. Its not even fun to swim this time of year, the pool's aren't refreshing at all.

When Aiden was a month old, I started watching my God-daughter, Ali. I bought a bunch of stuff for her, Play-Doh was one of them. I've taken it out a few times for Aiden but he really had no idea what to do with it. Last week we took it out and it was the first time it was actually used correctly and they had so much fun! They ask to play with it every day.

Fun!

I downloaded some fun learning apps on the iPad for Aiden. His favorite one is this Alphabet Pop game, it has three letters floating in bubbles and at the top, shows the letter you have to look for and pop. He loves it. Rian can play it too! I just have to remind her to look at the top to see what letter she's looking for.

Friday morning Aiden asked if he could spend the night at either Nana and Papa's or Grandma and Grandpa's. He's so grown up, asking to spend the night. My parents were in San Diego for the day so Steven tried both his parents cell phones and no answer. Later when Steven was at work, he texted me that his Dad would be picking the kids up later. They got picked up a little after 4 and didn't come home til around 5pm the next day! I let them know around 10 that I could pick them up but Aiden wanted to stay longer. 25 hours! And he still cried when they got dropped off. While they were gone Steven and I went to dinner at Brewer's. Mmmm! We've been there three times, I don't know why we don't go there every single time we eat out. Its so dang good! And the servings are huge. We stuffed our faces like two fatties. Its nice having time alone together, we need that. We're always caught up in being Mommy and Daddy that sometimes we forget to be Us.

We started our Alphabet project this morning. The letter A covered in tissue paper. And here's our hallway art display area.

Rian's on the left, Aiden's the right.

I went in Rian's room yesterday and she was cooking with leg warmers on, with one of Aiden's pajama shirts, undies and her apron- it was so cute! The next time I went in, she was wearing boots. :) As I was uploading the picture on facebook, Aiden came in with some tea for me and told me they were having a tea party and asked if I could put a blanket on the floor.

Love them. :)

I'm trying to grow Rian's bangs out, they're driving me NUTS! She'll keep a barrett in for awile then just rips it out. I don't know how her hair constantly in her eyes doesn't bug her.

Tonight is the last ever Teen Mom. I've been watching them for almost as long as I've been a Mom. I like their babies. I'm sad its ending but also, glad. They make way too much money! MTV should've been smarter and added into their contracts that they save money for their kids' futures. They make a lot of money now, but in a few years when nobody cares about them, I bet they'll have blown all of it.

Parenthood starts in two week. Yay! I could go on and on about how its the best show ever. Because it is. It ended early last season and the finale wrapped everybody's stories up as if it was a series finale, I was sad thinking it was over but its coming back. Only for a half season though. :\ Watch it, people! You'll love it. September is an awesome month for tv bugs like me. :)

So yesterday afternoon, I got a text from a friend saying she had a last minute OB appointment [she's pregnant and was bleeding] asking if I could watch her kids. Of course! When they came back to pick up their kids [thankfully baby's okay] the boys wanted Aiden to go home with them and he wanted to so, sooo bad. So I said yes. It was his birthday, I wanted him home with me! But I couldn't say no, I just couldn't.

The kids have only ever been left alone with our parents and once with Jeanette when I had a hair appointment. I know Aiden was in good hands. I have to admit, I was pretty bummed when they left. I'm not used to saying bye to him- it basically happens only once a week. It reminded me that he's only getting older, and the older he gets, the more I have to let go. Choosing friends over Mommy- first step. Next year, I have to let go and send him to school, I'll have to say bye to him 5 days a week. It made me realize how this next year is going to fly right by. I'd been thinking that I was so ready for him to start, but now more than ever, I want time to stand still. I won't be with him every single second, making sure he's safe and behaving, making good choices. I'm honestly scared. More like terrified.  When he gets his first crush, I'll lose my spot as his #1 girl. From that point on, his heart will probably always belong to somebody else. :( But just as I've learned to do over the past four years, I'll put my Brave Mommy Face on and learn how to deal with it. 

I was so happy when he got home! Crystal posted a few pictures and a video of the boys having fun. My heart seriously swelled. Even though I spent the few hours he was gone feeling sad, it was quickly erased seeing how much fun he had. Going over to play with friends made his birthday extra special. Even though I wanted him here, I know it made his day to be with them instead of sitting at home bored with me.

Motherhood is a constant battle of letting go and holding on too tight.

Aiden's 4!

This weekend we had Aiden's fireman/fire truck party- fun!

He was in no mood for a picture at this time.

The kids woke up that morning with cold symptoms- ugh! Of all the days.

But the party had to go on. :)

Some of the decorations. It was a fun party to craft for! And super awesome because my Dad's a Fire Inspector, so I got all the stuff for the goody bags from him. The fire hydrant cups are my favorite! They ended up being way bigger than I expected.

We had all of our family over and of course, Titi- who is family too. Geoff couldn't come because of the colds, we missed him. It was a fun night!

And the best part...

A surprise from a "Fireman!" My dad brought over his turnout clothes. It was soo cute when Aiden saw Steven. :)

S+R=A&R

5:12am... officially 4! FOUR!

I hung ballons in his doorway last night for him to wake up to this morning. He was so excited! When I saw him, I said "Happy Birthday, Bud! You're four!" And he said, "Now? Now I'm four?!" He's been waiting and waiting to be four.

He had his well-check this morning. I didn't even think about it til yesterday morning, that he'd be getting shots on his birthday. I felt so bad when I realized it. :( When I signed him in at the office, I put his age down as 3. Oops! He was good, but started acting soo goofy when the doctor came in. Don't know what was up with that!

[32 1/2lbs, 40 1/4 in]

Super surprised that he gained 4 pounds this last year! He's now in the 25th percentile in weight, when he turned one he was in the 5th!

Four year well checks are a little different than the other years have been. They gave him a seeing test and a hearing test- you know, the kind where you wear the headset and raise your hand when you hear the beep on either side. He had NO idea what was going on. Must not be a big deal because the nurse, nor the doctor seemed to care. He can clearly hear. He also had to do a urine sample. Weird. I asked why and they said to check for infections, sugars, etc. Hmmm. Holding a cup for your little boy to pee in is something that's never crossed my mind before!

They also gave him one of those paper gowns to wear:

He wasn't having it! "What's this? I'm not wearing it."

So he finished his exam with flying colors! The doctor told me I need to get him learning on identifying the alphabet and numbers. Oops. Something I wanted to start on years ago. He knows like two letters. :\ He'll learn fast though! He knows how to spell his name outloud if you ask him!

So then, he thought he was waiting for the doctor to bring in some stickers.

He looks so happy!

But really, it was time for shots. :( 5 total. Four regular and a flu shot. Poor, pooor guy. As she was prepping the stuff, he said, "Mommy I'm scared." :( I had to hold him on my lap. By the third one, he said "I want to go home." Ugh my heart broke. The 4th and 5th he started yelling at the nurse to leave him alone. It was so sad. I felt extra, extra horrible- its his birthday!

So I took him out for a doughnut.

:)

My sweet, crazy Aiden James, the one who made me a Mommy. I can't believe you're 4! You're the light of my life, my little cuddly fire cracker. [So many contradictions, I know. But that's my boy!] I love every little thing about you. The way you protect your sister when she's getting in trouble, your siren sound, your big feet [size 9-91/2], the way you look when you're eating, the way you love your family. I love that at any given time, I can look at a dresser, bookshelf or table and see a bunch of your cars all lined up because you "parked" them that way- you've done that for as long as I can remember. How tough but sensitive you are, how you talk to everybody at the store and give them your big huge smile, that you ask to pray at night, you're SO in love with Daddy- you get soo excited when he gets home from work. Sometimes you guys go to sleep together at night, you always cuddle Daddy. :)

Mommy and Daddy love you sooo very much. You've taught us so much about ourselves and each other. You're such a special boy. There is no me without you.

 

8.21.12

You make me the definition of proud,

taught me what this life is really about

August

What in the world? How are we already at the tail end of 2012?! And moreso, how do I almost have a four-year-old?!

These are Aiden's last few days being three- weird. Like really weird. I can't believe he's almost 4. That's so big! Only one more year til he's in school full-time. Hard to imagine! I enrolled him in a preschool at one of the school districts [because its free!] and he was put on the waiting list, so I'm not counting on anything. Around January-March, we want to put him in part time preschool but geeeeez its so expensive! One of them as a two-day program, we'll probably do that. I just want him to get used to something before he's thrown into all-day schooling.

He's such a little man. My mom often refers to him as a little old man. He's so sensitive and moody. He gets embarrassed really easily. He rarely dances in front of us anymore, when he does, he tells us not to look. But he's still as wild and silly as ever. When him and Rian are playing nicely, sharing, behaving, etc- he's always sure to let me know. He's really into puzzles right now, he over uses the word "probably" and he wants to be outside all day, every day on his bike. Except its a million degrees outside so he has limited time in the mornings and evenings- even then its hot! [Only a couple more months and we can play outside yay!]

He decided he didn't want to sit in his booster chair anymore. And he's big enough. Growing up so fast.

Just like last year, I started out thinking I wanted him to have a big birthday party. But its only going to be family- like always. Its just so much easier that way. I'm really excited! So is he. We have a birthday countdown on his wall:

While the kids are with Steven's dad today, I'm going to get the last of what I need, then go crafting crazy the next few days! He's going to love it.

We went to Vegas for Steven's 30th birthday- OLD! In two more years, we'll have known each other for half of our lives. Crazy. It was fun but kind of hard because he had friends from all over come: Colorado, San Diego and Phoenix. There were 10 of us total. For the most part, everybody  hung out together but a couple of them were in their rooms a lot and wanting to do different things so it was a little awkward. And we haven't heard from them since. Oh well.

It was a lot of fun! But I'm over Vegas for the next 5 or so years. The drive is way too long and its hot there. I would've rather been in San Diego! Super glad we went though. When we got home, my ab muscles hurt from all the laughing we did!

My parents just went to see Adrian- soo jealous. Technology is so awesome, we got to FaceTime with him!

He showed them all of his favorite toys and Aiden showed him his Lightning McQueen shoes. They're so cute. It makes me sad all thier little cousins live far away. :( 

Last week, Rian was being naughty climbing on Aiden's dresser, she started crying and Aiden started yelling that there was blood. Ugh. She busted her mouth, she had a little rug burn looking thing on the outside bottom and inside the bottom to the side, it looked like she bit when she hit down. The blood was coming from her top lip, the little piece that connects her lip to her mouth was torn. :( When I lifted it, there was a HOLE. Omg I almost barfed. I called my Mom and she said we should probably take her in, Steven kept saying there's no way they can stitch that area. So I got online and found out its a very common accident with toddlers and it starts healing withing 24 hours on its own.

It might be hard to see for somebody who doesn't look at her everyday, but she was SO swollen. The first night was soo rough for her. In lots of pain. But now she's back to normal!

Rebecca and I were talking last night [texting] and I was saying how a year ago, I was on my blog ALL the time! I updated it every single day, multiple times a day. About nothing and everything. I want to get better at updating, its what I'll go to when the kids are bigger and I want to remember every little thing.

Its been three months since we ripped up the kitchen tile and we've done nothing since. It drove me crazy at first, then I was okay because I know its going to take a lot of work to get this concrete figured out but its back to driving me crazy again. I'm SO ready for it to be done. I'm tired of it. Its so ugly in here. I'm just feeling a little stir-crazy. Especially being stuck inside all day. I love rearranging furniture but our living room is so small, there's no other way it can be. Its been that way for 4 years. Ugh. Only 20 more to go... geez. It'll help when Steven builds the new tv console- eventually.

I'm going to be an Auntie [Titi] again! Geoff and Jeanette are expecting a miracle baby. Amazing, amazing, AMAZING. There are no words to explain how happy I am for them. Sadly, its being overshadowed by him having a huge surgery and them finding out if he has to go through chemo again or not. Praying with all my might he doesn't. They deserve to be done with this, they've fought so hard.

L.O.V.E. L.I.F.E.