Missing the baby bump

Its nothing new. In fact, I'd say its a normal part of Motherhood- at least in mine. I wouldn't really say that I have "baby fever" but I miss having a belly and loving on a brandnew baby. I've been missing it more and more the closer Rian's getting to 2. TWO. How has it almost been two years since I've been pregnant? Since she was just a teeny, tiny, red-faced, crazy-haired newborn. Like the blink of an eye.

My first reaction to Rian's pregnancy wasn't exactly happiness. Steven and his friend were in the garage, when the test said 'Pregnant'- I just opened the garage door, nodded at him that it was a positive and shut the door. He came back in and found me in the bathroom and said, "You're pregnant?!" I told him I felt weird, I didn't know what to think and he said he felt the exact same way. I cried when I told my Mom. I changed my mood on myspace to "shocked" and a couple of smarty pants figured it out, but I lied and said I wasn't. I didn't even really tell people, I just posted it as my myspace headline for people to find out on their own, it said "#2 is due 12.15.09"

A couple of days before my first appointment, a few weird things happened and they almost sent me to the emergency room but were able to squeeze me in with the OB. Of course, during those few hours waiting for the appointment, I couldn't stop thinking that I made this happen- my initial "regret" was making me lose the baby. But then we saw her perfect little heart beating and all those feelings went away. I knew I could do it, I could be a Mom to two little brats.

That was the only incidident- it was smooth sailing after that. I loved being pregnant. I wish I would've written more down, kept track of things better. All I really have are a few pictures and memories. I never had morning sickness. I never cared about gaining weight- my eyeballs got huge every time I saw how much I gained at each appointment, but it never bothered me. I was even excited the first time I saw a stretch mark- ha! I had such easy, amazing pregnancies. I loved how quickly I got a belly and how huge it got. [I may not love the end result that huge belly left me with, but I'm learning to!]

I loved it so much that sometimes I wonder if I could ever be a surrogate for another woman, isn't that nuts?! It seems like such a selfless, amazing thing to do for somebody else. I'm sure it'd be hard knowing the little person inside of you wasn't going to stay with you, but the feeling of seeing somebody with their new baby would probably quickly erase all those feelings. Its something I'd never search out to do, but if I was ever approaced with the idea- I'd seriously take it into consideration.

Me missing my bump is starting to give me crazy thoughts... I better not let my mind wonder anymore, geez!