RNBH

So yesterday afternoon, I got a text from a friend saying she had a last minute OB appointment [she's pregnant and was bleeding] asking if I could watch her kids. Of course! When they came back to pick up their kids [thankfully baby's okay] the boys wanted Aiden to go home with them and he wanted to so, sooo bad. So I said yes. It was his birthday, I wanted him home with me! But I couldn't say no, I just couldn't.

The kids have only ever been left alone with our parents and once with Jeanette when I had a hair appointment. I know Aiden was in good hands. I have to admit, I was pretty bummed when they left. I'm not used to saying bye to him- it basically happens only once a week. It reminded me that he's only getting older, and the older he gets, the more I have to let go. Choosing friends over Mommy- first step. Next year, I have to let go and send him to school, I'll have to say bye to him 5 days a week. It made me realize how this next year is going to fly right by. I'd been thinking that I was so ready for him to start, but now more than ever, I want time to stand still. I won't be with him every single second, making sure he's safe and behaving, making good choices. I'm honestly scared. More like terrified.  When he gets his first crush, I'll lose my spot as his #1 girl. From that point on, his heart will probably always belong to somebody else. :( But just as I've learned to do over the past four years, I'll put my Brave Mommy Face on and learn how to deal with it. 

I was so happy when he got home! Crystal posted a few pictures and a video of the boys having fun. My heart seriously swelled. Even though I spent the few hours he was gone feeling sad, it was quickly erased seeing how much fun he had. Going over to play with friends made his birthday extra special. Even though I wanted him here, I know it made his day to be with them instead of sitting at home bored with me.

Motherhood is a constant battle of letting go and holding on too tight.